Too much of a good thing is...

WONDERFUL!

“I don’t want to be too confident” says a 15 year old to me in our first session. He has started with me because his mum believes he has potential he is not reaching. “Too confident makes you arrogant”, he says. At 15 years old, friendships and being socially accepted is very important for him. He holds himself back in his behaviour, attitude and opinions in an effort to fit in. He doesn’t feel great about it either but he is stuck - how can he be himself and risk being left out? Does this resonate with you right now as an adult?

A 9 year old says to me that their teacher suggests for them to “fly under the radar”, so she believes it’s best to do what is ‘average’. This is reflected in her work and her friendships. At home, she is competitive and so very funny - nobody at school seems to know this side of her. She says she can’t let anyone really know ‘all of’ her because they might not like it. This is certainly not what the teacher was hoping but misunderstandings happen all the time. Sometimes, they end up impacting children on a very deep level.

Isn’t it interesting to see how children hold themselves back just because they are trying to fit in? They are trying to fit in with what they believe to be acceptable in their worlds. When you hear it in this way, it’s really easy to say “well, why can’t we just correct them?”. If only it was that easy. These children are creating deep beliefs about themselves and their place in the world. If not caught early and clarified, it will be their life fulfilling prophecy. If you reflect back on yourself, you might realise the same is true for you too. It certainly is for me! I wish I had the awareness earlier as a child to debunk some of my beliefs.

Holding ourselves back doesn’t actually serve any worthwhile purpose. It hurts us and those around us more. But very often, we don’t even know we are doing it. So when a child is equipped with their own self-knowledge, they are powerful! They create a deep sense of understanding and knowing that motivates them to be themselves. They learn that it isn’t about holding themselves back but rather learning how to represent themselves better! This curiosity allows them to learn and implement tools and processes to regulate their emotions, make positive friendships, put in their best efforts, have a positive mindset and reach their potentials. They learn that there is no such thing as ‘too much’ confidence. They learn that the more confident they are about themselves, the happier they can be and the more they belong.

Would you like to help your child grow their self-confidence so they can live their best lives?